Do you find yourself yelling at your kids a lot these days? Does it seem like you just can’t get through to them without raising your voice? If you’re wondering how to stop being an angry mom, then I have a few tools to help you. As mothers, we have a lot of responsibilities on our plates daily. Whether you’re a working or stay-at-home mom, you still have to raise your kids and care for the home. It’s no wonder some women find themselves being angry moms due to the daily stress of raising kids and trying to do it all. Before we can talk about how you can stop being an angry mom, we first need to look at why you’re getting angry so easily in the first place.
Why do moms get angry and lose their temper so easily with their kids?
Mothers get angry and lose their temper with their kids for many reasons. Some of those include frustrations from their kids not listening, being overwhelmed with the demands of motherhood, taking out work stress on their family, or worrying about finances. Let’s look deeper into each of these reasons.
Frustration when kids don’t listen
Sometimes children don’t follow the rules we’ve set for them. It’s their nature to push our boundaries. When this happens, we can get very frustrated or angry with them as mothers. We may even see it as a personal failure on our part, which can make our frustrations worse.
Looking for a way to relieve some stress? The simple act of journaling can do wonders for your mental health, therapists say.
If you’re looking for ways to let go of stress and find more happiness in your life, look no further. Really, we mean that: Experts say that the best way to find more happiness in life is to examine what you already have, rather than looking and reaching for something else you think would make you happier.
Journaling can be profoundly stress-relieving, and many purpose-built journals and notebooks have popped up in recent years to help provide structured ways to track your mood, feelings, behaviors, gratitude and goals. We dug through what’s out there and asked a few therapists for their favorites, too.
Cognitive behavioral therapists designed this journal to help you identify patterns in your thoughts and use structured exercises to get out of anxiety or stress spirals. Use the writing prompts and tools in this book to record how you’re feeling — and what triggered that response — to help you get back to a calmer space when you’re feeling anxious. Buy It
“Journaling is for you,” says Janet Philbin, a licensed clinical social worker, hypnotherapist and author of Show Up for Yourself. “Journaling allows you a safe space to express what is in your heart and what is on your mind. Having a way to process your feelings allows you the space to heal and grow.” Janet says she recommends her clients write in notebooks with blank pages. “I want my clients to write freely without worrying about staying in the lines,” she says. “A blank page gives you the freedom of expression without the rules that a lined page implies.” She says not to worry too much about how neat you write, or how you write — just as long as you do it. And if it stresses you out to have your raw thoughts lying around, she encourages recycling or responsibly burning your journals when you feel ready. “You can shred it, rip it up or burn it safely in a fireplace or coffee can,” she says. “When you get rid of the pages, thank yourself for showing up for yourself to write and release.” Buy
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
It is easy to be in gratitude for the good things in life, but how about the bad, not so good, or unwanted.
Have you ever had an Ah-Ha moment? Mine was, “I am in gratitude for my trauma.” I was shocked and questioned how it was possible to be grateful for my painful life experiences. I wanted to understand what contributed to my transformation from pain to gratitude.
How do you find gratitude for unwanted life experiences? As I researched gratitude, everything I read was about how to be in gratitude for the good and positive things in life. What about gratitude for the not so good, or as Pema Chodron calls it, “the unwanted,” the bad, the struggles, and pain. Chodron says, “Use all the unwanted things in your life as a means for awakening compassion for yourself and others.” In other words, it’s important to be in gratitude for the unwanted in our lives, the not so good.
I also turned to Osho. In his book, “Buddha,” he talks about the Buddhist principle of Thahata, which means suchness. The attitude of suchness is described as: accept it. It is about accepting what is, as it is when it is. When you don’t fight what is in front of you, there is a shift because when the attitude of suchness is within us, healing can follow.
It would be wonderful if we only had good experiences, but the chances are that is not the case because life is generally full of ups and downs. Can you reflect on the downs, the ones you wish had never happened, the ones when you raised your hands and asked, “Why Me? Haven’t I been through enough already?” Can you find gratitude for those times?
Have you asked yourself these or similar questions?
Does this serve a purpose?
Haven’t I already learned this lesson?
Didn’t I already have enough trauma/drama in my life?
Didn’t I do my time (so to speak)?
Why do I have to take on more now?
Sadly, you cannot undo the past. I wonder what happens when you apply the concept of suchness to these questions?
It is never too late to heal and recover from the past. Doing so can help us to lead happier, healthier, and vibrant lives in the present. Reparenting is defined as the act of giving to yourself what you didn’t receive as a child. Our parents did the best they could with the knowledge and resources they had available at the time, but we all grow up with hurt and wounds from not having all of deepest needs met.
You may have heard the concept that each of us has an ‘inner child’ within our psyche. Janet Philbin is a licensed social worker, hypnotist, and conscious parenting coach. She describes the inner child as something real which exists within our subconscious. Our inner child is a reflection of those unmet needs from childhood.
Philbin says that if we are not aware of our inner child they can end up ‘running the show.’ We end up reacting in ways similar to how we did as a child. For example, using coping skills such as ‘tantrums, becoming a people pleaser, lying, withdrawing, enabling,’ This can be challenging but there are ways we can connect to our inner child and meet their needs, so that we can reparent ourselves.
The next speaker from the Amplifying Her Voice “In Moms We Trust” Summit we’d like you to meet is Janet Philbin, who spoke on our “Coping With Trauma and Stress” panel.
Philbin; a licensed clinical social worker, hypnotherapist, and conscious parenting coach; helps adults heal from the emotional pain and trauma of their pasts. She has spent the past 21 years helping people emotional wounds and change their lives, and is the author of Show Up For Yourself: A Guide to Inner Awareness and Growth, an Amazon bestseller offering a framework for emotional healing.
In our Q&A, Philbin discusses how showing up for ourselves can help us be there for others, the new and increased challenges faced by women and mothers, the importance of compassion and following your own path, the example we set for our children when we show up for ourselves, and more.
What inspired you to join Amplifying Her Voice for Mother’s Day?
I think it is important for mothers and women to understand themselves. I want to offer support and resources to help moms feel connected to themselves.
What most drives and motivates you each day?
What drives day motivates me each day is always stretching to know myself better and to continue on my healing journey. When I am working on myself I have the internal resources to be there for others.
Who is your role model, and why?
My role model is my grandfather. He was a Holocaust survivor. He taught me the value of family, the value of consistency, the value of following through, and honoring your word.
What cause, company, group, or movement are you a part of that you would like to share with us?
I am passionate about sharing and teaching conscious parenting. We can help children of today by helping their parents heal.
What do you think are some of the most pressing issues facing moms, families, and caregivers today?
I think moms are juggling so much. Now with the challenges of COVID, stress is higher. The pressures of online school, working, and trying to find balance each day are causing many people to reach their emotional limit in their ability to cope effectively. Moms need even more support as they continue to traverse this new territory.
How do you think issues like poverty, violence, racism, oppression, and inequality intersect with motherhood and with being a woman?
I think women have always been the ones fighting and advocating for their children. When a woman is also struggling with poverty, violence, racism, oppression and inequality then the challenges to survive and raise their children are magnified. Many women are living with more than one of these issues at a time. They are survivors. As a woman you are already faced with inequity so adding any other trauma creates even more of a barrier for women to be empowered to effect change in their lives.