The pain of the past is the pain of your present


We spend a lot of time wanting to avoid our painful memories. Who wants to go back there, right?  We can not understand what good it would do to open the book of our life and look back at the past that causes us pain.


What we fail to understand is that the pain of our past is the pain that is in our present.  Those old wounds run deep and if you do not go back and take care of the younger self who was hurt, then the younger self will continue to run the show.   There is a good chance that you find yourself wondering why the same patterns are repeated over and over again in your life.


Have you ever gone back and looked at what happened to you in your life?  Have you been brave enough to face the story? Have you looked at the shame, blame, guilt, embarrassment, fear, shyness, being bullied, being abused, being abandoned either emotionally or physically?  I bet there is a good chance that even reading this turns you off.  If it does, then to me, that means that the pain is directing the show. The past has the lead role in the performance and you have never even had a chance to be the star.  


You may feel broken, unloved, unworthy, unloveable, small, not important, angry, never good enough.  Have you ever thought about where these intense feelings have come from? Have you ever sat down and really gave it notice?  


Is there a little boy or little girl hiding in a closet hoping they are not found because they are so scared about the consequences of being found.  And at the same time is he or she hoping to be found because they just want help. They just want to know that they matter, that someone misses them or wants to spend time with them.


We all carry our younger selves with us.  They hide in the closets of our minds. I believe they really want to be found because they are tired of being in pain.  What do you imagine helping them would feel like? Maybe we should start with something easier. How about we just go find him or her.  


Take a moment here.  Before you read on, close your eyes and take 2 or 3 breaths.

Now that you have done that imagine, if you will, opening the closet door and finding that young child hiding behind the door.  He or she may be sitting with their knees curled up to their chest, head down. What is the first thing you would do when you find a child hiding like that alone? Would you crouch down, talk softly, reach out a hand and ask what was wrong? I bet you would.


Let’s stop for a moment and take a few more breaths and gather up an image of a younger you who is hurting.

Imagine that young child who wants help but has no idea how to ask for it.

Imagine offering your help.

Imagine your adult self sitting next to that child and just let that young one know you are here to listen.  

What would the story be? Give it a few minutes to unfold, this child may not have ever spoken these words.

Pause here for as long as you need to.

Once you hear the story let the child know that he/she is not alone. That you hear their pain and you are here to help.  Even if you don’t know how you will help yet that is ok, just being there is already helping. Let the child know that you, the adult, are going to reach out to other people who do know how to help and you will be with him/her the whole time.

How do you imagine that child would feel after hearing all this?  Do they look up at you? Do they stop crying? Does he or she reach out a hand to be held?

Imagine sending this child love.

Imagine your heart opening like it would for anyone else in your life that you love, and send love to that child.  As that child feels your love they know they are not alone and feel relieved to be supported.


You have the power and ability to heal the pain.  You have already taken a big step in looking for your inner child and finding him or her.  Now it is time to take action. Reach out for help from a trusted friend, professional or healer.  It just takes a moment to ask. Allow yourself to begin the journey on the path to healing your pain.  The goal is to heal the pain of the past so it no longer creates pain in your present. You deserve a life full of emotional wholeness and not riddled with holes of pain.


If you don’t know where to start or how to start I can help.  Hypnotherapy is an extraordinarily effective tool to help people heal.  Please contact me through my website @ or email me at  You can even reach me on Instagram @janet_philbin_lcsw.  I have been helping people heal their inner child and pain since 2002.  I would be honored to be part of your healing journey.


Posted on

December 25, 2021

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