It is never too late to heal and recover from the past. Doing so can help us to lead happier, healthier, and vibrant lives in the present. Reparenting is defined as the act of giving to yourself what you didn’t receive as a child. Our parents did the best they could with the knowledge and resources they had available at the time, but we all grow up with hurt and wounds from not having all of deepest needs met.
You may have heard the concept that each of us has an ‘inner child’ within our psyche. Janet Philbin is a licensed social worker, hypnotist, and conscious parenting coach. She describes the inner child as something real which exists within our subconscious. Our inner child is a reflection of those unmet needs from childhood.
Philbin says that if we are not aware of our inner child they can end up ‘running the show.’ We end up reacting in ways similar to how we did as a child. For example, using coping skills such as ‘tantrums, becoming a people pleaser, lying, withdrawing, enabling,’ This can be challenging but there are ways we can connect to our inner child and meet their needs, so that we can reparent ourselves.
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It is easy to be in gratitude for the good things in life, but how about the bad, not so good, or unwanted.
Have you ever had an Ah-Ha moment? Mine was, “I am in gratitude for my trauma.” I was shocked and questioned how it was possible to be grateful for my painful life experiences. I wanted to understand what contributed to my transformation from pain to gratitude.
How do you find gratitude for unwanted life experiences? As I researched gratitude, everything I read was about how to be in gratitude for the good and positive things in life. What about gratitude for the not so good, or as Pema Chodron calls it, “the unwanted,” the bad, the struggles, and pain. Chodron says, “Use all the unwanted things in your life as a means for awakening compassion for yourself and others.” In other words, it’s important to be in gratitude for the unwanted in our lives, the not so good.
I also turned to Osho. In his book, “Buddha,” he talks about the Buddhist principle of Thahata, which means suchness. The attitude of suchness is described as: accept it. It is about accepting what is, as it is when it is. When you don’t fight what is in front of you, there is a shift because when the attitude of suchness is within us, healing can follow.
It would be wonderful if we only had good experiences, but the chances are that is not the case because life is generally full of ups and downs. Can you reflect on the downs, the ones you wish had never happened, the ones when you raised your hands and asked, “Why Me? Haven’t I been through enough already?” Can you find gratitude for those times?
Have you asked yourself these or similar questions?
Does this serve a purpose?
Haven’t I already learned this lesson?
Didn’t I already have enough trauma/drama in my life?
Didn’t I do my time (so to speak)?
Why do I have to take on more now?
Sadly, you cannot undo the past. I wonder what happens when you apply the concept of suchness to these questions?
Janet and I focused on emotional healing in today’s discussion. Janet has such a depth of experience and training in the area of healing on a cellular level.
She shared a bit about her own path to spiritual awakening and healing. We talked about how so many of us feel afraid to go into our pain but that it’s never as scary as we fear it to be. But that we do need to feel the feelings in our body in order to heal and that all of us have an inner child that needs to be attended to.
This episode was filled with so much good stuff. If you want to heal and find your way to a place of less suffering and more inner peace, Janet shares so much wisdom. Tune in to learn more!
Have you ever wondered HOW you show up for yourself? And what does it really mean? If you are curious, you will want to make sure you catch this episode where I discuss just this with Janet Philbin. Janet is a friend, colleague, author of Show Up For Yourself, therapist, hypnotherapist, parent coach and more and you will LOVE everything about her. She is amazing. Tune in…
#079: The relationship we have to ourselves is of utmost importance. Cultivating this relationship involves paying attention to our emotions, feelings, and needs. This means focusing on balance and self-care. Listen in to hear more about how to tune into yourself in this rich conversation with my friend, Janet Philbin. Janet has written a book called Show Up For Yourself- A Guide to Inner Awareness and Growth. Get your copy today!